“Dear Loved Ones,
I feel too much.
I look around me and see a broken world and feel as if I’m being stabbed in the heart by every shard humanity has left behind.
My mind is a darkness that I cannot begin to describe. My demons have dug their claws deep in my soul, and now they are all I know.
My world has become dark. The sun still rises every day, but I do not feel its warmth. The birds still sing, but they do not know my song. It is not the world that is wrong, but me.
I cannot pretend anymore. I don’t have it in me. I can’t plaster anymore false smiles on my face. I can’t force anymore laughter. I can’t spend another night staring at my ceiling. I can’t take another shower just to hide my tears.
I have tried for so long, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired.
Now I must sleep.
I need peace.
I’m so sorry that this is the only way.
It’s not real until it’s you. YOUR friend. YOUR sister. YOUR brother. YOUR parent. YOUR loved one. But it is. It is real. It is your friend, sibling, parent, and loved ones.
Suicide is not a joke. It is not something reserved for a dramatic movie ending, the kid everyone picks on in school, or the executive who ruined his company.
Suicide is the star athlete. Suicide is the girl who smiles. Suicide is the boy who tells jokes.
Suicide is me.
I was an athlete, a straight A student, and had a large group of friends. I have also been suicidal. I have spent time in a psychiatric ward.
Depression does not discriminate. It is an invisible illness that can affect anyone, and many times people are afraid to seek help due to the stigma surrounding mental illness. They suffer in silence because you can’t physically see their pain, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
In fact, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It kills more people in the U.S. than HIV/AIDS, TB, measles, liver disease, homicide, or Alzheimer’s. Suicide kills more people annually worldwide than homicide or any war. It’s the pandemic that no one is talking about, and it is preventable.
End the stigma.
Let’s start talking.
*All statistics provided by the CDC.
Disclaimer- While all experiences shared are true and reflected actual feelings at one point in time, this does not reflect my current mental state.